Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, "shit happens"
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit happened before
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Protestantism: Shit won't happen if I work harder
Catholisism: If shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to US?
Unitarianism: What is this shit?
Capitalism: How much will this shit cost?
Ba'hai: All shit is truly shit
Transcendental Meditation: Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Astrology: Uranus transits
Hare Krishna: Shit happens Rama rama ding ding
Paganism: Shit happens. And all shit that happens is a part of nature
Atheism: No shit
Agnosticism: I don't know a shit
Gnosticism: I know shit
7th Day Adventist: Shit happens on Saturdays
Jehova's Witnesses: Knock, knock, "Shit happens"
Mormonism: Shit happens again and again and again
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!